Everybody's Got to Learn Sometime - Beck

https://youtu.be/Ksz4NAM94Rw

New York Minute - Don Henley

New York Minute | Don Henley by iTrvlr

Disintegration - The Cure

So it's all come back round to breaking apart again
Breaking apart like I'm made up of glass again
Making it up behind my back again
Holding my breath for the fear of sleep again
Holding it up behind my head again
Cut in deep to the heart of the bone again
Round and round and round
And it's coming apart again
Over and over and over

Now that I know that I'm breaking to pieces
I'll pull out my heart
And I'll feed it to anyone
Crying for sympathy
Crocodiles cry for the love of the crowd
And the three cheers from everyone
Dropping through sky
Through the glass of the roof
Through the roof of your mouth
Through the mouth of your eye
Through the eye of the needle
It's easier for me to get closer to heaven
Than ever feel whole again

Love Don't Die - The Fray

If I know one thing, that's true
It ain't what you say, it's what you do
And you don't say much, yeah, that's true
But I listen when you do

A thousand years go by
But love don't die

If I know one thing, that's true
It's that I'm never leaving you
And you don't say much, yeah, that's true
But I lose it when you do

Don't let them tell no lie
Love don't die

No matter where we go
Or even if we don't
And even if they try
They'll never take my body from your side
Love don't die

If there is one thing, that's true
It's not what I say, it's what I do
And I say too much, yeah, that's true
So just listen to what I do

A thousand years go by
But love don't die

No matter where we go
Or even if we don't
And even if they try
They'll never take my body from your side
Love don't die

She can break it up
She can burn it down
You can box it in
Bury it in the ground
You can close it off
And turn it away
Try to keep it down,
Six feet in the ground

But love don't die

No matter where we go
Or even if we don't
And even if they try
They'll never take my body from your side
Love don't die

No matter where we go
Or even if we don't
I’d like to watch them try
They'll never take my body from your side
Love don't die

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold as long as you like
Just promise me we'll be alright

From Where You Are - Lifehouse

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

Lover of the Light - Mumford and Sons

Another birthday he'll never celebrate

Today would have been Steve's 50th birthday. Instead, he'll forever be 47.

This is the first year since his death that I've stayed home in Richmond. The past two years I've gone to Italy. I don't know that it's more difficult or easier, it's simply different. But, damn, I can't get that man out of my head. Puts me in a New York state of mind.

Love you, baby. Always.

 

Man of the Hour - Pearl Jam

My father died a year ago today. One year and two weeks after my husband died. Often, my grief for Dad gets entangled with my grief for Steve.

I wish it was less complicated.

It isn't.

Missing - Everything But The Girl

There are many versions of this song out there. I've always been partial to remixes, though.

I had dinner with my in-laws the other night. I saw them last at Christmas, when I also spent a few days in New York City revisiting old places and times. All of which are connected to Steve. This song was cycling through my head when I visited Steve's old neighborhood. Cousin Frank was at work that day but managed to text me the entire time I was in the old neighborhood. Amongst a dozen other reasons, I love him for that.

Seeing Steve's family a week after his death anniversary has me revisiting my last visit with them. I never feel like I'm able to say what it is I want to say to them. I never feel like I have enough time with them. I wish I could find the words to tell them how much my love has grown for them in the past two years. How much I want to give Steve back to them. How sorry I am that for ten years we didn't visit as often as we could have, as much as Steve wanted to visit.

I never knew how wonderful my in-laws were until we were no longer, technically speaking, in-laws. What a fool I've been.

Slipped Away - Avril Lavigne

Just Remember I Love You - Firefall

Woke up this morning with this song playing in my head... I like to think it's a message from Steve.

(In My) Solitude - Ella Fitzgerald

Landslide - Stevie Nicks

Cry - The Sundays

Lonelier Than This - Steve Earle

It doesn't get any lonelier than this
I believe my heart'll break
Tonight I prayed I'd die before I wake
With every breath I'm tastin' your kiss
And it's sweet upon my tongue
Until the bitter tears fall one by one

It doesn't get any lonelier than this
'cause I'm on this road alone
My hearbeat ringin' like a hollow drum
I'm about as lonesome as a poor boy gets
And there's nothin' I can do
'cause it's dark out here and I can't find you
It doesn't get any lonelier than this

It doesn't get any lonelier than this
I'm as blue as blue can be
Just an empty place where your love should be
I'm sick and tired of walkin' round like this
With my heart outside my skin
Scared to death we'll never touch again

It doesn't get any lonelier than this
And there's no place I can go
Just the dusty corners that the shadows know
Maybe this is as good as it's gonna get
And I'll always be this way
I'll just wander this world callin' out your name
It doesn't get any lonelier than this

Kathy's Song - Simon and Garfunkel

I hear the drizzle of the rain
Like a memory it falls
Soft and warm continuing
Tapping on my roof and walls.

...

My mind's disracted and diffused
My thoughts are many miles away
They lie with you when you're asleep
And kiss you when you start your day.

...

And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.

And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I.

Believe - The Bravery

So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breath
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe

Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton

I had to leave the country to celebrate your 49th birthday. There isn't a day, an hour, that I don't think about you. With all my heart, my love. With all my heart.

Missing - Bruce Springsteen