And everybody's got to live their life- The Smiths, "William, It Was Really Nothing"
And God knows I've got to live mine
God knows I've got to live mine
Sunday, October 14, 2012
William, It Was Really Nothing
Friday, October 12, 2012
Inception
Mal: You remember when you asked me to marry you?
Cobb: yes.
Mal: You said you dreamt that we'd grow old together.
Cobb: But we did. We did. You don't remember? I miss you more than I can bear, but... we had our time together and I have to let you go. I have to let you go.
- "Inception"
Today would have been Steve's and my tenth wedding anniversary. I'm wearing his wedding ring around my neck on a chain he wore all the time. I periodically wrap the chain around my hand as I slip his giant ring over my finger and over my wedding band, which has been moved back onto my left hand for the day.
We wanted to grow old together. We wanted to live our lives to the end together. And, in a sense, we did. He wasn't supposed to die at forty-seven, leaving me a widow at thirty-six. But he grew as old as he was gonna get, with me. He lived the rest of his life, with me. We wanted more but this is what we received.
As I slowly catch up to him, I remember all we had together. It was good. Better than we ever imagined, and we could imagine a lot. And because I had Steve in my life, I can imagine even more. And on this day, of all days, I demand that 'more' for my life. I demand it for me. I demand it in his memory. I demand it in our memory.
This is all so much harder than I ever imagined. But the love we created together gives me the strength to move forward. I thank Steve for that love every day.
Happy anniversary, my love. You are a part of my very being. I feel privileged to have shared my life with you.
Cobb: yes.
Mal: You said you dreamt that we'd grow old together.
Cobb: But we did. We did. You don't remember? I miss you more than I can bear, but... we had our time together and I have to let you go. I have to let you go.
- "Inception"
Today would have been Steve's and my tenth wedding anniversary. I'm wearing his wedding ring around my neck on a chain he wore all the time. I periodically wrap the chain around my hand as I slip his giant ring over my finger and over my wedding band, which has been moved back onto my left hand for the day.
We wanted to grow old together. We wanted to live our lives to the end together. And, in a sense, we did. He wasn't supposed to die at forty-seven, leaving me a widow at thirty-six. But he grew as old as he was gonna get, with me. He lived the rest of his life, with me. We wanted more but this is what we received.
As I slowly catch up to him, I remember all we had together. It was good. Better than we ever imagined, and we could imagine a lot. And because I had Steve in my life, I can imagine even more. And on this day, of all days, I demand that 'more' for my life. I demand it for me. I demand it in his memory. I demand it in our memory.
This is all so much harder than I ever imagined. But the love we created together gives me the strength to move forward. I thank Steve for that love every day.
Happy anniversary, my love. You are a part of my very being. I feel privileged to have shared my life with you.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Love What You Love
I've seen this written as "live what you love". Which just seems silly to me. If I need to be reminded to love what I do then I need more help than a simple saying can give me. I prefer the permission to love whatever I love. I'm sick of feeling guilty for loving my dead husband. Sick of feeling guilty for loving to buy expensive shoes and then walking around barefooted a majority of the time. Sick of feeling guilty for being wise in choosing who to love. I love what I love. You can love what you love. And guilt doesn't belong anywhere near that love.
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