Dear Abby - Eat it

Dear Abby columns are one of those things I read to pass the time while waiting for search results on something else. Alright, yes, sometimes it's Miss Manners. Depends on what level of idiot I want wandering through my brain cavity as I wait for the hourglass on the screen to sort itself out. Eventually, there's always an idiot who has an opinion on death or funerals that just... stresses me out.

DEAR ABBY:

May I share a pet peeve of mine? I wish you'd raise the consciousness of people who write obituaries and fail to mention the musician who provides the music for the funerals and memorials. The musician often does more preparation for the services than the pallbearers. Why are their names omitted? I usually want to know who they are when I attend.

-- WONDERING IN GEORGIA

DEAR WONDERING:

I can think of a couple of reasons. The first is that some obituaries are actually taken from the eulogy, which may have been written prior to the death by someone in the family. If the obituary was written by an employee of a newspaper, the information may have been taken as part of a standard list of questions about the deceased and any survivors.

Frankly, I think it would be more suitable if the musician's name was included on the program. If it hasn't been included, there is nothing rude about telling the officiant or a family member how much you enjoyed the music and asking who provided it.

 
Here's how I would have responded:

DEAR LOONEY,

You have to be looney to even think that "pet peeve" and "funeral" belong in the same conversation. Wondering is what I'm left with as I question your level of social awareness.

After the expense of a $10,000 funeral, I don't think the extra $10 it will cost to publish in the newspaper the name, of a likely stranger, who performs at the funeral, will break me. The idea that the performer is of the same fucking relevance as my husband's family, whom he left behind grieving his early death, may actually break me. Which means I may break you. Obituaries aren't public announcements for musical performances. I suggest you attend the local symphony for music and attend to the dead and bereaved at funerals.

Actually, I suggest you stay home. The grieving don't deserve a clod like you using up their tissues.

And with that, I think I've found my new calling.