36 Months (Three Years)

... 36 Questions I'd Like To Ask...

1. When you got on bended knee and said "I've waited for you my whole life," what followed that? Everything becomes a blank for me except the internal dialog of "ohmygawd, ohmygawd, ohmygawd."
2. What was the conversation you had with my father when you called to ask him permission to marry me? Dad's gone now too, so I can't ask him.
3. What ever happened to that baseball card you used to carry around in your wallet?
4. What was your favorite memory of your father?
5. How old were you when your father died? I always say 20 because I can't remember your exact age.
6. What was your father's funeral like? I can't separate that story from all the shenanigans of other family funerals. I wish you'd been here to tell me about it again when my father died.
7. How did your mother react to being a widow? I never asked. It simply never occurred to me. I feel horrible I never asked her or you about that time in her life.
8. What was your favorite memory of your mother?
9. Who was it that as a toddler, tried to push your mother out of the second story window she was washing?
10. What was your earliest memory?
11. Who was your first kiss and what was that moment like?
12. Where else did you want to travel, besides Italy, in the whole wide world?
13. Did I wake you up every night when I crawled into bed and kissed the scar on your back? You always made a happy little squeak but I never knew if you were conscious of it.
14. Did it ever annoy you that when I couldn't sleep I'd drape my body over yours and then fidget for an hour before finally nodding off?
15. What is the sauce recipe? I can't remember all the parts any more and can't find where we may have written it down.
16. Should I have asked to come see your band practice? I thought I'd be in the way so I always stayed home.
17. Where is the Italian restaurant we went to after you asked me to marry you? I've looked and looked and can't find it.
18. Where did you buy Frosty Paws for the dog? I've run out and can't find them anywhere.
19. Is that extra guitar in the shed the old crappy one my father gave you or one from your childhood?
20. Why is it we never went bike riding together? It's not like we didn't have enough bikes.
21. Where are all our old e-mails from when we were dating? I know you saved them somewhere.
22. What was your favorite book?
23. What was your favorite movie? I can list several but don't know which topped the list.
    
24. What was your favorite song?
25. What was your favorite trip you took with your cousin Frank?
26. What was your favorite trip we ever took?
27. What did you do with all love notes I'd put in your lunches, especially the ones with the count down to our wedding? I know you saved them but I still haven't found the hiding spot.
28. Do you regret not spending more time with your family, the way I do?
29. Would you have thought me a nag if I had badgered you in to seeing a doctor? I always believed it was better to have less time together and be happy than to have more time together and be miserable. Now I wonder if that was a bad decision on my part.
30. What was your biggest regret in life?
31. What was your biggest joy in life?
32. If there was one thing you could do over, the same or differently, what would have it been?
33. Was there anything I kept that you would have wanted to be given to someone after you died?
34. Did you send me all those double rainbows every time I stepped outside to cry that first week after you died or was that just the over-imagination of a traumatized mind?
35.  Did I do it all the way you would have wanted?
36. Can you see me, and if so, are you proud of me?