Donations

Back in March of last year, I wrote about a letter I received from a recipient of Steve's tissue donation. I received another letter a few months later. I never wrote about that one.

The night Steve died, I sat on the phone at midnight with a social worker on the other end of the line to approve Steve's tissue donations. She said it could wait until morning but I knew there was going to be no sleeping that night. During the next week the only sleep I did get was with the use of sleeping pills. And even those would only work for about four hours at a time.

The social worker was kind, supportive, and continued to repeat things for me as I tried to translate her words into some sort of meaning through my fog of shock. I remember her explaining why Steve's organs couldn't be used but his tissues could. I remember giving permission for tissues that couldn't be used to help patients to be used in laboratories, hopefully helping future patients with breakthroughs in medical science. I remember her explaining that at two years I would receive a summation of Steve's donations and how they were used. How, tissue donations could be used up to five years after being harvested.

I couldn't imagine, at the time, what two years later would look like. What two years later would feel like. I still can't imagine what three more years from now will look or feel like.

I know I didn't cry as hard over the second letter I received from a recipient as I did for the first letter. And I didn't cry as hard over this summation report as I did for the second letter. Each time I received something, I would call family members and read it to them. At each reading I thought "this time I can get through it without sobbing." Each time I was wrong. Try reading this excerpt aloud without crying:

Stephen's donation consisted of orthopedic tissues, which are used to hasten recovery in individuals suffering from bone or spine disease or injuries. Many bone grafts can be generated from one tissue donor. In the case of Stephen's gift our donation records indicate the creation of numerous bone grafts which have been and will continue to be used to perform reconstructive surgery, spinal fusions, and oral surgery. Our records indicate that a surgery occurred in February 2001 in Massachusetts that enhanced the life of a male patient, and a surgery occurred in March 2011 in Pennsylvania that enhanced the life of a male patient. Also, grafts have been distributed throughout the country to states such as Arkansas, Arizona, California, Colorado, Washington D.C., Iowa, Illinois, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Maryland, Michigan, Missouri, Montana, North Carolina, Nebraska, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Utah, Virginia, Washington and West Virginia.

We do not have all the implant information, but clearly Stephen's donation has made and will continue to make a remarkable and widespread impact on the lives of many others in need.

I am so proud of my husband to have the foresight and desire to help others when he died. I am so proud of that heartbroken, shocked, scared, and lonely wife who sat on her back porch, phone in hand at midnight saying "Yes. Please. Help as many people as you can. Start right now."

Legacy

Steve and I both felt very strongly about organ and tissue donation. I was lucky we had spoken about it because in the hours after his death I had to make a decision. You see, they didn't look at the back of his driver's license, which would have shown he wanted to donate. And evidently, even if they had, I could have stopped them. It is a decision that the next of kin legally has to approve. 

Sitting on the phone with a social worker at midnight, knowing I wasn't going to get any sleep but still wanting to feel like I could accomplish something, I fulfilled my husband's desires to help others by approving his tissue donation.

Every few weeks I get something in the mail from Washington Regional Transplant Community. Sometimes it's a flier about grieving the loss of a loved one, sometimes it's an invite to attend a special remembrance ceremony, sometimes it's specific to Steve. Today's mail contained a letter from a recipient who has benefited from Steve's donations.

The handwriting is shaky and cramped, reminding me of letters from Great Aunt's and Grandmother's I've received over the years, and so I've decided the writer is a little old lady. Whoever it was didn't sign their name. They didn't specifically say what they had done or what they received from my husband. But she did write about a pond where she walks her little dog and say her morning prayers. She says that because of my husband's donation she will be able to continue to do this.

I imagine my grandmother or Steve's mother when I picture this woman. In my mind's eye I see a small white dog with a smiling face, happy to be with it's mistress again, happy to be walking the familiar path around a small pond. And I cry to know my Stevie lives on by helping others.

Mistress, wherever you are, thank you for thanking me. This image brings me such peace. Such hope. Such joy.